James Bond(age) 007

[knock, knock]

Come in.

Morning Moneypenny.

Morning James.

Is M in?

Sure is go straight on in.

Ah James.

Hello M.

Nice dress James.

Yes bought it from Harrods Friday last.

Here have a whiff.

Nice.

Chanel number 5.

Look James on a more serious note there is talk above.

Talk what talk? Who’s talking?

People.

What people?

People at the top.

You mean the top brass.

Yes.

It even goes further than the brass it goes all the way to the palace.

You mean Madam.

Yes I mean Madam.

What are they talking about?

You.

Me why on earth for?

You stand out.

You mean since I came out.

Yes since you came out.

I try and blend in. I make sure all my clothes are clean and tidy. I wear my makeup sensibly.

Yes James we know you dress well and don’t over do the makeup.

Well what is it then?

James since you came out the James Bond movies that use you as examples of a British spy are ruining the firm’s public image.

How can that be?

Take for example the last scene in the latest movie. There is James Bond 007 in woman’s clothes making out with the bar man from the hotel.

Nothing wrong with a bit of a tumble in the haystack.

But with a man.

M you can not live in the past you oldies have to move with the times.

In the past James always ended up with a pretty girl in the last scene. James do you still have the mettle to do this sort of work.

Mettle?

The balls.

I still have the balls but I am working on doing away with them. Look mettle or balls I am in the union. I have my rights besides Lord Beverstock wears dresses.

You know Beverstock.

Sure do. I bump in to him at lots of parties I go to.

Well I do not want to take on the unions and Beverstock well he’s more brass than brass. But Madam is not satisfied.

The public attitude to cross dressers has changed a lot since Madam was at school. She’s old school. Besides most of her clan are in to something of the mortal sins of the flesh.   

That will be all James.

Bye M.

Bye James.

[James leaves the office]

Moneypenny do you have my next assignment?

Yes James here’s the file and here are your plane tickets to Istanbul. You are booked in to the Ritz as usual.

I must get a new pair of stockings there’s a ladder in these ones.

Have a pleasant trip James.

Bye Moneypenny.

[James leaves]

[Moneypenny sighs and thinks – James was better before when he was a real man now there is nothing to look forward to when he returns from his assignments]

[James waves down a taxi]

Where to madam?

The airport.

[Taxi driver thinks – nice bit of skirt]

Kind regards; Lester John Murray.

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